reveal my shame to you, i wear it like a tattoo

A woman of many faces, Alea spends most of her time playing a persona. Her entire demeanor changes at the drop of a hat. She can be whoever she needs to be, for the right price. Her work as an informant has allowed her to master the arts of persuasion and deception, her words unfounded in truth serving only as a means to an end. However, her deceit is not heavy-handed; if you believe she’s being facetious, it’s usually an intentional blunder to distract from a wandering hand in your belongings. Spending so much time playing a character has its consequences. However, she often finds herself struggling with her sense of identity. She becomes an amalgamation of the people she interacts with in hopes of finding a sliver of her former self in one of them.Those who have spoken to Alea recognize that she has a rather blunt way of speaking, preferring to spare the formalities and make conversations as efficient as possible. Her default reply to offhand remarks is a nod or a hum to acknowledge the speaker without having to form a longer response. She hardly means to come across as rude or disinterested. If anything, she finds it rude to prolong a conversation past its time. However, this need for effective communication does not stop her from adding her two cents when a situation allows it—even if her intrusion would have an unsavory outcome like in the case of an escalating fight. Despite her best attempts, she can’t help her underlying urge to provoke. She takes great interest in learning others’ true natures.Few have gotten to know her more closely, but anyone who has taken the time would find pleasant conversation. She tries much harder to actively engage in discussions, abandoning her head shakes and grunts for a clarifying question or two. If she’s feeling especially playful, she may attempt to crack a joke or two, though they tend to come out rather clunky. Her strength lies in dry or sarcastic humor, as her normal tone often leaves others wondering whether or not she is joking. She typically uses this skill to malign others, especially those who attack her peers, in an underhanded way that rarely leads to a confrontation. Those who have gained her allegiance will have it until she decides otherwise. Even still, she holds these people at a distance. She would hate to lose everything again.

Are you worthy?

❝the feeling coming from my bones says, ‘find a home’❞

Alea Naïlo’s formative years were spent on her surface with her mother as an elven noble. Her mother, tall and fair, was an albino drow who frequently used her appearance to lie about her heritage and climb the ranks of royalty. This scheme had started long before her daughter was born, and it certainly wasn’t going to stop afterward. Alea, for the first years of her life, truly believed she was a surface elf. She was put in all sorts of classes, ranging from academic ones like literature and math to extracurriculars like posture training and table etiquette. Even now, she can recall the feeling of her mother dragging a comb through her curly hair, eyes tearing up as the woman repeats the words, “beauty is pain” in her pointed ears. The stinging in her scalp reminds her that she is alive.

❝you left me as i always feared you would❞

If there’s one fact that Alea has taken with her through life, it’s that people talk. Everyone knew about the rumors of Lady Andromeda’s drow child. While her mother could pass as another type of elf with ease, Alea simply could not. As she grew older and her facial features slowly morphed, it became abundantly clear that something was wrong. She began to hear whispers at noble gatherings which then followed her through the halls at school and even on the streets outside. It became inescapable.She attempted to make up for the additional criticism her mother was receiving by studying especially hard, seeking to become a paradigm of aristocracy, trying to change the discussions from one of failures to one of successes. Her world came crashing down when she heard her mother arguing with a male one night long after she should’ve been asleep. It didn’t take much eavesdropping to figure out that the man was her father, and that she would be sent to live with him to preserve her mother’s image. She packed her things in preparation that night, tearfully waiting for the news to be officially delivered, counting the minutes until the last time she would see her mother.

❝you know that if it hides, it doesn’t go away❞

Alea didn’t get along with her father, nor did she get along with anyone in the Underdark. In the cutthroat atmosphere of a drow city, it was almost impossible. She began to go by her father’s last name, Raetana, to cover the tracks of her noble past. Similar to her mother, her father also enlisted her in training of his own to help her acclimate to the new environment. He taught her how to speak their language, how to fight, how to steal, how to kill. She knew morally it all was wrong, but if entire nations abide by and enforce this behavior, at what point does it become right? For her and her father’s safety, she knew she would have to set her virtues aside in favor of this new code of ethics, or lack thereof. The longer she stayed, the colder she grew. She became unfazed by the violence that surrounded her, even starting to participate from time to time. She was fully acclimated with her new environment; she could hardly remember the sun.

❝victory’s your only payment❞

As soon as she was old enough, Alea entered a prestigious assassin’s guild in order to train to become one. Due to her father’s lessons, she caught on quite quickly in spite of the rigorous training. House Kilund, or House of the Spider’s Kiss, had taken quite a liking to Alea. Shortly after her assassin’s training, she was selected to be an official mercenary of the House. She took an oath which made her eyes glow red in the spider goddess Lolth’s image. It was here that she earned her full name, what she believed to be her true name: Akor’rhyl Xityrrith, “beloved spy; favored poisoner.” She spent her days training and her nights hunting, quickly gaining her matron mother’s approval but leaving no room for anything else in her schedule. She couldn’t remember what it was like to truly be alive. She’s unsure if she wants to.

❝i knew i'd be the one to bury you❞

Ranking up as an assassin had its perks. With enough rapport, one could be trusted to complete important missions on the surface. Alea reached this level over time and received her first mission shortly after: the assassination of a noble accused of betraying the House. She skimmed over the details, pausing for a moment upon reading the name of her hometown as her destination. It mattered not to her; the Underdark was her home now, though the use of home was quite liberal.She ascended under the cover of night as instructed, and found the perfect perch to oversee the house of the noble. She loaded her hand crossbow quickly, making sure to only touch the shaft of her arrow. The arrow tip was coated with a potent poison, a substance she’d been microdosing to herself for years to prevent her own undoing, accidental or incidental. She waited with a still hand for the noble to appear, watching unblinking as a pale woman in a satin gown strutted by an open window, turning her back towards it to look in a nearby mirror. She aimed her weapon carefully at the back of her neck. As Alea pressed the trigger, the woman turned around, and her heart dropped. Standing before her was her mother, the same blue eyes, long hair, and dangling facial jewelry that she remembered from her childhood. Her mother’s eyes widened also in recognition of her child, her mouth opening to speak before the arrow lodged itself into her neck.Alea watched her fall to the ground with a thud. In spite of her better judgment, she couldn’t stop herself. She lunged towards the window, opening it entirely and climbing through as her mother took her last breaths. Alea couldn’t bring herself to move. She could hear the pounding of her heartbeat mixing with the stomping of guards approaching. She snapped herself out of shock, snatching her mother’s face chain before fleeing the scene. As soon as she was safe, she carefully wrapped the chain around her own face. The frigid metal—or perhaps, the memories of the person attached to it—causes her to shiver.

❝you can't catch me now, i'm higher than the hopes that you brought down❞

Do not look for me. I am long gone. She’d scribbled the note quickly on a bit of scrap paper, placing it on her father’s bed as she prepared for her departure. Alea endured a lot. She had fought, stolen, cheated, and lied. She became just as callous and bloodthirsty as she needed to in order to survive. She ruined the lives of several of her peers on a whim, and killed twice as many, but none of that could ever add up to her latest sin. She hadn’t even been that attached to her mother, not since she left—no, abandoned—her, and still the guilt was unbearable. It tore at her very seams, the unfeeling mindset she’d taken so long to procure unraveling right in front of her. She had to leave; she had no other choice. With one final glance to the letter she left, she ran until she saw the sun.Her legs finally stop when she spots a small pond. She kneels to the ground, feeling wet grass in between her fingers. She looks at her reflection, disheveled and broken, but her blue eyes have returned. Strangled sobs finally make their way out of her throat. She cries, screams, releases all the emotion that she previously could not show. The sun feels fiery hot against her skin after being underground for so long. Yet, the burning of her skin reminds her once more that she is alive.

---- TBD ----